Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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