I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't deserve a penis
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
