Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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