New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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