He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
