I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
