The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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