I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
