It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
