She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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