Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
