If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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