he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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