Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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