As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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