once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
