My sheets look like a crime scene.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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