She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
