angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize