No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
