I've blown a few things in my day
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
