we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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