No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
