I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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