Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
