I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
