after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I did not marry a roomba.
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