she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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