She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
