Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
