paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize