I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
