Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
