I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
