I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
