I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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