Me too!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
