I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
