just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
