One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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