Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
