she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
