just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
