I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
