planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
