I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
