OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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