Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
