I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
