end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
