My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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