I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
