I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
