So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
