Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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