She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
