I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
