Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
