Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
