The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
please come you make the beer taste better
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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