Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
