he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
