seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
