No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
