Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
