the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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