another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
