The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
