I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
